Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Do you not know who I am?



A recent federal mandate to verify US citizenship resulted in select FTI personnel (me) being required to produce evidence of US citizenship. Apparently my library card, 3 various casino Player's Clubs Cards, nor my Roundtable Pizza "Buy 5 Lunch Buffets and the 6th is on Us" membership card would satisfy the regulatory thugs demanding proper identification. Federal laws dictates that failure to produce the necessary ID would have caused my immediate termination from the FTI, though I don't know if I could have fired myself as I am the sole executive member. Regardless, I did finally show them my passport which seemed to make everything OK and allow the Institute to get back to our normal business.

As a result of this exercise, it has been decided to issue all of our staff ID badges for ease of identification. I have included mine here for your review. During our upcoming Institute open house, please feel free to ask any personnel you encounter for their proper identification. We wouldn't want to be confused for those knuckleheads working for the cable company.

2 comments:

  1. What,and where exactly is the "Flatline Thinking Institute", I mean is it a state of mind, or is it in a secret location( which could be a state of mind). I'm begining to belive it's like an Eischner drawing..where stairs lead both up and down and in loop never ending nor begining....Wait I'm getting it now mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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  2. I can assure you, dear reader, that the FTI does have an actual physical presence. We choose to not reveal the actual location for the safety of our adjacent neighbors.

    You may, however, have us confused with an associate of ours who runs a similar sounding operation: Flatline Investing. This unnamed individual has managed to squander a significant amount of money down to nearly nothing by investing heavily in fly-by-night companies. The name was derived from the graph that was drawn to show his rate of financial return. Admittedly, Anchorline Investing ("We drop immediately and never get off of the bottom") would have been a more accurate moniker, but, it made no sense to use this and scare any potential investors.

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We welcome your corrections, musings, and notes of sympathy. Due to the limited cognitive ability of our staff, please limit words to no higher than a fourth grade comprehension level.