Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I guess I should have used the hoe

I ran across this news story and picture about a guy who was using one of those 5 gallon propane tanks and an accompanying 3 foot long wand for weed control around his house.  You can burn weeds right down to the ground and the intense heat many times will kill the root as well.  Some people prefer it to poison as it is safer for pets and kids.  I have considered getting one for use around the compound here but, just have never got around to picking one up.  You can get them at the farm or tractor supply store for about $25 (without the propane tank).  Anyways,  this guy decided to  head out doors and attack those pesky weeds.  He apparently had wet down the tree next to his house before firing up the torch, but,  the tree ignited anyway.  (Pine tree pitch is very flammable and apparently fed the fire.)   The story did not print the guy's name and, rather, referred to him as "the homeowner".  Firefighters had  no estimate of the amount of damage, but, did note significant damage to the roof, and water and smoke damage was found in the living areas of the house.

The good news is the local neighborhood homeowners association did enclose  the "Best Yard" award along with the 30 day notice to clean up the property.  

Monday, June 10, 2013

Why, we DO have something in common!

I think the folks at AARP hope the third time is the charm. These guys are like a bad case of jock itch: they just never stop. Well, I got news for them: I use rash powder regularly.

After my second contact to ol' A. Barry of the AARP following the original ridicule  response,  I get a third  solicitation in the mail over the weekend from Steve Cone, Director of Membership,  that now  seems kind of desperate. In fact, it's kind of sad.  Apparently the cool, free, insulated travel  bag they so heavily promoted the first time around, is now basically treated as a consolation  prize if you send in the $16 they want. This time,  the insulated travel bag is now included as an acknowledgment of me sending in some money.  I can only figure this enticement was not that great because it doesn't have the screaming announcement on the envelope about it.  The benefits Steve  recites of joining the AARP  include the "award-winning AARP The Magazine  that will help you feel great, save money and have fun".  Hmmm.  Who knew a magazine could do all of that?   The only magazine  I can  think of  that did 2 of those 3 things was  one the neighbor kid showed me when I was about 11 years old that he had stolen from under his Dad's bed.  If it's got that, I'm in.  Otherwise, I think I will pass.

Just before I prepared to toss this letter, I noticed that the $16 was for a one year membership, but, if I opted for the 5 year membership, I could take advantage of the AARP "Anniversary Discount" price of $55. Yep, that's right. Me and the ol' AARP are both turning 55 this year!  Who knew that so much good has been done for such an amount of time?  

Steve, I do have one question though.  We both have acquired knowledge, experience, and wisdom over the years.  Even at 17, I knew some things were wrong, but, obviously you guys didn't do anything about it because Mom made me wear one for graduation pictures.  Why the hell didn't you fight the prevalence of leisure suits?     


Friday, June 7, 2013

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

An update to an old classic

Now demonstrating his propensity for utter and complete "fiscal restraint": [fiscal restraint (n): fis-cul re-straynt; the act of avoiding, denying, or objecting to payment of any kind whether in a social, business, or adversarial setting] in a location other than his own neighborhood, I note that the little miser is now practicing his finely honed art while on vacation.

I received a call the other day that he had the misfortune of actually having to buy lunch for his out of town hosts.  Failing to correctly identify the time-honored direct men's room route in advance of the check coming,  our boy instead excused himself upon viewing the waitress coming with the small paper based kryptonite.  Instead, he miscalculated and crossed the immediate  path of the server whom assumed he was late for another engagement and was searching for her in order to pay in an orderly fashion. She promptly handed him the check,thanked him for his patronage, told him to "have a nice day", and turned heel to attend to her other tables.    Our boy is now left with a  medical condition manifesting itself with a sudden breakout of body perspiration, elevated blood pressure, and an actual desire now to truly use the men's room for it's intended purpose.  

The vacation is only a week over with 2 more on on tap.  A new updated wall map consisting of, instead the image posted above, will be replaced with something along the order of this:  $$!  You can track progress by simply noting the sites of frustrated hosts as the little skinflint journeys  his way home.