Noting that the Winter Olympics are currently being held in the other Vancouver, the subject was brought up at our staff meeting yesterday that perhaps we should have our own FTI Olympics for the staff to break up the midwinter "blah's" .
The problem, however, lies in the development of appropriate events in which our staff would compete. The winter snowfall has been very light, so, the ability to make snow orderlies is out. The FTI wastewater treatment facility never freezes over and is not large enough for short track speed skating. When notified via email, Dickie the Peap volunteered to take over the concession duties as he immediately saw the opportunity to gouge visitors on overpriced parking, lodging, and food charges as a means to add to his already bulging personal fortune. In desperation, Gummo, the Balloon Boy, suggested apartment hunting as an exhibition event. That suggestion was soundly rejected.
I have noticed a marked decrease in the quality of thinking produced lately and feel some type of mental diversion is in order to help our team. I am concerned however about our team uniforms. It will be very difficult to identify one another as the events are happening because the white jumpsuits tend to blend together. We already have a hard time keeping track of this bunch as stupidity does not seem to have a particular standout trait. During our rehearsals for the opening ceremony, the misfits came marching in the wrong end of the FTI compound. This is definitely not a made-for-TV moment.
Dicky the Peap, CEO, CFO, of Precocious Precarious and Panic-Stricken Corp. may be under federal indictment due to price gouging, and some financial monkey business related to using corporate funds to replace personal losses relating to the purchase and or sale of stock in Vevus Corp LLC...and vagrancy in the fine state of Colorado, I think.
ReplyDeleteThis is surprising and shocking news!
ReplyDeleteWe always suspected the Peap-ed indeed had a troubled and darker side, but, now to be outed as nothing more than another common chiseler willing to do anything to gain a couple bucks is well, disheartening.
Say Slate, I am familiar with some of your past work. I think you would be a find addition to our team as a counter balance to the Peap. I think we may draft you to join our band of deep thinkers.