Monday, February 1, 2010
Have you seen my nuts?
Desperate times drive people to desperate measures. These hard economic times have forced many people to re-evaluate the basics of life and adjust their priorities in order to meet them. Less consumption, fewer luxuries, more self-reliance; all methods used to cope with economic conditions most of us have never experienced.
Let me illustrate by example: Mrs. Kfred is involved on a search committee at her place of employment to find a suitable candidate to fill an opening they employ. The position is a low level staff position that requires a Bachelors Degree and 2 years of relevant experience with a salary in the low $30's range plus benefits. All in all, not a bad job, but not exactly one that is going to make one rich, either. Yet, the candidates have been pouring out of the woodwork for this position. People with Masters degrees, Ph.d levels, doctoral candidates. The spectrum is endless. I was naive to think that we at FTI were insulated from this type of activity. After all who would want to join us?
In the past 2 weeks, I have been approached by two different individuals hinting about joining our organization. The caliber of these 2 particular types is certainly superior to the staff we currently employ. Their presence here would greatly improve and raise the level of analysis we deliver on a daily basis. Figuring these 2 would be a solid addition to our team, even if it meant for a short while, I approached the cheap-assed Board of Directors over the weekend to see if we could squeeze some extra dollars out of our budget to secure the intellectual properties exhibited by these individuals. Unfortunately, our normal springtime Intellectually Diverse Intelligence Oriented Team-member (IDIOT) recruitment drive has been canceled this year. Apparently, one of the low level staffers deep inside our own FTI bureaucracy "accidentally" authorized the purchase of over 2000 Slap Chop kitchen tools as holiday gifts and we are now trying to pay the bill off. As a result, we are in no position to add staff this year.
I informed both candidates that unfortunately, FTI was in no position to add positions at this time. Both took the news well, accepted a small token of gratitude from FTI for their interest, and went on their way. Happy. Excited. Fulfilled. After all, they now know that they just have to add a little onion and celery to some tuna and POW! Instant tuna salad.