Well, we could draw straws

A recent event has exposed a major flaw here at FTI that has never been addressed. This may, however, be a problem that has no solution.

I am scheduled to be out of town next week on non-Institute business. It has been pointed out that we have no succession plan of leadership to conduct business in my absence or sudden demise. This is a huge problem. The problem is that we have no qualified candidates to assume these responsibilities. I have studied parallel circumstances to attempt to find some solution, but have been stymied at every turn to date. For example, upon the death or incapacitation of members of Congress, there have been instances of spouses assuming the position their spouse occupied. Mrs. Kfred would be a logical choice to be my replacement, but, as Director of Institute Safety, she has no interest in the Executive Director position. I would not be so cruel as to saddle Kred Jr’s 1 or 2 at this point in their young lives to have to deal with this band of Weirdo’s, Whacko’s, and Misfits. Dickie the Peap would probably be the immediate and first choice to carry on our mission, but his disability prevents him from effectively fully carrying out the financial duties associated with the position. Gummo, the Balloon Boy, has some potential, but his recent admission that “sometimes, I’m a Buffoon”, immediately disqualifies him. Freako, Commando Barney, Trumpster, and the rest just are not yet seasoned enough to don this mantle of responsibility. We have a rising star in The Campus Eunuch; he may be a glimpse into the future here at FTI.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I plan on being as careful as humanly possible to avoid any mishaps that would result in my inability to lead. After all,  who else would produce this stuff?