Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Now, here is a sales tip

Well, I have arrived  at my out of town location on non-Institute business.  7 hours late.  And none too happy.     Unfortunately, I can't seem to escape the scrutiny, ridicule, and embarrassment that doggedly follows me when the three letters, FTI, are brought up. 

While checking in at the airport yesterday morning, I was asked to verify that my name and the one on my ticket matched.  I immediately provided my official FTI ID badge, adjusted my headwear, and readied myself to proceed to my gate. The gate agent look at my ID badge, looked at me, checked the badge again, and stated, "Uh, sir. We have a problem".   I realized that the act of adjusting my hat  had vastly altered my looks as compared to that on the badge and promptly removed it.  At this point, the agent cocked her head, narrowed here eyes, and repeated, "Sir, did you hear me?"  I pointed out that the hearing results of my recent physical with the personnel at our outsourced FTI medical facility, Tijuana Medical Clinico and Gringo Coffee, (Our Espresso is Bueno!") noted my hearing was normal.  She replied, "Then, what is this?"  Apparently, the Green Comic had thought it would be hilarious to steal my badge,  switch my image with his , and see what would ensue.  I eventually cleared up the misunderstanding and was finally assigned my seat between two large hulking individuals ("We're grain salesmen from Omaha") with crewcut hairstyles and earpieces.  I was able to get some rest after the ordeal and have arrived ready to fulfill my duties here. 

Upon arrival, I bid my seatmates a hasty goodbye and went to retrieve my bags.  We must have bonded in the air as I did notice them constantly observing me from the time we landed until I caught the cab.  I did point out to the two salesmen that, perhaps, if they were a little less shy and  improved their listening skills while speaking with the customer, their sales might increase.  They didn't seem too interested in listening to what I had to say.   I guess you are only as good as the people around you.


  1. Not an auspicious way to start a business trip, but glad to know you made it safely!

    Keep up the good work for FTI and let me know if there are any positions available at the institute for a bottle washer with a checkered past.


  2. Nothing like getting stuck traveling in between two large people on a plane. Sounds like you were on the way to filming the remake of Planes, Trains and Automobiles...


  3. I want to know who at FTI approved this trip?

    Are we sure the coffers have not been raided so that our blogger in chief can go gallivanting off to exotic and distant locales?

    Someone at FTI is asleep at the switch!

  4. I can assure the readership that not only was this trip necessary, pre-approved, and previously scheduled, it was viewed as a respite from the lunacy of which I am a part. No Instititute dollars were spent on my behalf. If the dimwitted, cheap-assed, Board of Directors ever woke up to consider this request, it would be denied anyway.

    On a related note, we did receive a request by one individual wishing to join our group and inquiring in how to become an affiliate member. It was felt that this applicant would not be a suitable addition as his IQ is far higher than the rest of the staff and would serve as nothing more than a point of jealousy for our team. The fact that he inquired in the first place does, however, earn him a spot for re-evlauation at a later date.


We welcome your corrections, musings, and notes of sympathy. Due to the limited cognitive ability of our staff, please limit words to no higher than a fourth grade comprehension level.