Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Dear Dicky

The current economic conditions have resulted in a number of people of being out of work and trying to find employment.   Try as I might to get rid of some of the help around here, I have met strong resistance to cleaning house and upgrading the level and quality of thinking done here.  Thank God for the Factorcrap Truthometer Deluxe; it's the only reliable, consistent, steady "voice" that can be counted on for expertise.  The rest of our idiots would be better suited in  pursuing their career goals in either the fastfood preparation or housekeeping/laundry segments of industry.    Regardless,  I relay this background as a premise for the point of this entry.

A number of self-help articles, success tips, and general advice columns have been increasingly written to help people sharpen their skills to find employment.  In order to sharpen our critical thinking skills, we at FTI are constantly engaging in mental exercises to raise our mental abilities to an "adequate" level.  I gave our staff the directive to write their own type of general advice column in the 3rd person to share and be critiqued by the rest of the team in order to attain this "adequate" status.  Here is an example of what one of our members, Dicky the Peap, submitted:

Dear Dicky,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted  him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Dicky

Obviously, we have a lot of work to do.

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