I currently am engaged in the middle of an investigation that could become scandalous and cause undue embarrassment to us here at FTI. Ripped from today headlines, a similar event is brewing in which I am trying to sort out the details.
Recently, photographs of Dickey the Peap, pictured in a mirror wearing nothing but his underwear and flashing a handful of $5 bills, were discovered. The embarrassment and shame of being compromised in such a manner is overwhelming to all of us. This comes at a particularly unsettling time for the little miser as his continued insistence of not having sufficient funds to ever buy lunch has always been his out at tab-time.
The little, short-armed one denied any knowledge of this whole affair, but, the facts don't add up and I immediately am placing him on an unpaid suspension until the facts become clearer. As a result of this incident, he has agreed to go away for a short while to get some help. Apparently, the Fruit of the Loom people are contemplating legal action as well. They're mad because they are now being referred to in some circles as "Nuts of the Loom". Figuratively and literally.