Our 2 regular loyal readers are aware that my various duties here at the Institute are far and wide ranging. Among those responsibilities are my oversight of the FTI motorpool. After consultation with our independent mechanic and running various "what-if" scenarios through the Factorcrap Truthometer Deluxe, I decided to replace the FTI CRAP vehicle and did so this past weekend. Our needs were very specific: safety, fuel economy, visibility, and ability to keep the misfits secure when loaning them out as attractions to various circus sideshows during the summer.
As you may remember, I was entertaining the idea of a retired police cruiser as this would be a familiar sight to the majority of our staff. Ultimately, however I decided on a new SUV manufactured by Ford that is a bit smaller and less of an affront to society than we have previously enjoyed. It came delivered with a host of features, many of which I have no idea how to use. In particular, the vehicle has a feature that I find a bit troublesome: a bluetooth device that I can synchronize to my personal cell phone. Working with our IT department, the most reviled department here at FTI, I am now beginning to understand the features of this device and also why computer geeks band together: they speak in tongues. Regardless, the problem is that after pairing the cell phone and this device, I now have the car speaking to me and actually asking me if I want to place a phone call to any one of the misfits. The fact that I now have to deal with this type of experience in the one place where I can actually find refuge during the day is scary. It is a bit disconcerting to have an electronic voice robotically announce "Calling Freako Deako" or "Calling Dickey the Peap; Work or home?" when I think I am finally done babysitting the Doofus Squad at the end of the day.
I am planning on taking the vehicle back to the dealer to adjust the various things I find unacceptable after 30 days. This is definitely one of them.