Maybe he should get a 2nd opinion

The FTI thinking model is based on total participation by all of our members.   Each of them contributes a small piece of idiocy, that based on their individual merits, are meaningless and of no total value, whatsoever.  Together however, when we are at full strength and all members are back in place, some semblance of an overall image begins to emerge that makes one think, "My God, this is pathetic.  I thought that circus sideshows went away in the '30's". 

I was in communication with Dickey the Peap yesterday.  I note that Dickey had been MIA for approximately the past week as his normal fiscally impaired, "will you take less?", alligator-like armed observations and perspectives had not been submitted.  It turns out that Dickey has had a medical experience that has left him incapacitated.  I was informed that Dickey had a painful case of the shingles that resulted in his absence for the past week.  Shingles is a disease related to the chicken pox virus that lies dormant in your body from childhood.  It usually manifests itself in a painful rash anywhere on the body, but commonly strikes the torso area.   If you have ever had chicken pox, you are susceptible to Shingles.  Regardless, I am pleased to announce that after a regimen of anti-viral medications and proper care, he is well on his way to recovery and should be regularly contributing to our efforts in a short while.

While the medical community is fairly certain of the root cause of Shingles and it's development, there is a great deal of unknown  about how the virus is reactivated after having lying dormant in the body over an extended period of time. I immediately assigned our staff the task of researching this disease and to hypothesize some possible scenarios.  In no particular order, they postulated that:

1) This was God's revenge for denying his ban on obviously repeated self-stimulation;
2) It's really just a case of recurring athlete's foot Dickey has had since swimming in the pool during this summer's Staff picnic;
3)  It's probably a rash caused by holding his elbows so close to his body while attempting to reach for the check after dinner.

At first review, I thought these answers were typical of the odd behavior and thought processes of our staff.  Upon further review, I'm not so sure they may be on to something here.