Having thought that we had earlier fully covered the ineptness and foibles of Mr. X's stock picking abilities, I was under the impression that under no circumstances would it ever become an issue again. Unbeknownst to me, it turns out that X had solicited the FTI charitable arm division in the hopes of guiding the Institutes's portfolio. As our charitable arm division is a separate division that is unrelated to our work at this site, they were unfamiliar with X and his epic history of failure in regards to picking successful investments. Case in point: his latest wealth building choice.
Known for his diligent research, keen insights, and savvy insider abilities, X's latest choice of maddening riches beyond his wildest dreams was a small medical devices firm. Relying on multiple sources including the firm's own web page, Mr. X ignored statements including the words "troubled firm", "debt-laden", and "highly doubtful this shit can work". Of course, the statement in the "Careers with Us" soliciting candidates for a person whose duties included, "turning off the lights after we fold like a cheap suitcase" didn't seem to register as a warning, either. Regardless, X bought a substantial position in the company early in the morning only to discover the firm had filed bankruptcy by noon. Sorry Charlie. Ala-hoo-ay-a-zer.
Fortunately, our charitable arm here at FTI was wise enough to evaluate Mr. X's promises and statements by processing them through the Factorcrap Truthometer Deluxe via a reciprocal agreement we have with one another. Realizing that an alliance with X would not be profitable and also a source of shame and embarrassment, they politely declined his offer. We wish Mr. X a speedy recovery from the financial shellacking he seems to be suffering lately.