Saturday, January 8, 2011

How many Fingers am I holding up?

An unfortunate incident has required me to invoke emergency powers here at FTI. 

Our Safety Director, Mrs Kfred, suffered an unfortunate fall this morning on her way to the FTI Sanitation Receptacle/Misfit Monument as some unseen ice had formed overnight and she slipped and fell and suffered a bruised back and slight blow to the head.   I happened to hear her gasp and the subsequent fall  and immediately sprung into action to investigate.  Finding her slumped on the ground, I helped her to her feet, and immediately rendered first aid.   Fearing that her analytical abilities may be compromised and testing her mental faculties, I  suspected something may be wrong as she  gave incorrect responses to the first 3 of the 4 baseline questions I had formulated including: 1)  the correct atomic weight of chromium, 2) the value of pi to the 6th decimal point, or 3) if CarrotTop was truly a funny comedian.    Only on the 4th question of who was the biggest well known  skinflint that her mumbled answer of "Dickie the Peap" make me realize there would be no long term permanent damage.  Regardless,  I immediately assumed duties for the time being and  know things will be OK on a long term basis. 

Thank God for some absolutes when conducting these type of tests. 


  1. Mrs. Kfred appreciates frugality, ergo my credo of efficient spending rather than your lavish outlay on a damned newel post. You are both a cheap bastard and a hedonistic spender. Thankfully your spouse is the stabilizing factor at the institute and makes up for most of your shortcomings. You probably sent her out to get the newspaper instead of getting off your fat ass and getting it yourself. Poor lady. What a cross to bear. We all pray she has a better year in spite of you.

  2. Thankfully, Mrs. Kfred has recovered well enough to identify the safety violation that occurred in the above comment: the harmful and embarrassing effects of too much alcohol and a keyboard.

    We wish the Peap-ed one a speedy recovery in his sobriety efforts.

  3. Oh my! I sincerely hope Mrs. Kfred is feeling better. Either way, you may need to consider hiring a new Safety Director now that she has this blemish on her record.


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