Well now, all you little Weirdos, gather round and let me tell you about the Wiley charms of your Executive Director. Mrs. Kfred and I were on extended weekend last week to visit Freako and enjoy some sun in the desert. The sun was wonderful, the food was great, and the luck was positive.........which brings us to our story.
This past Saturday, while attending the Carrot Festival, we went to a local casino in the area. We both like to casually gamble and view it as a basically harmless activity. I like playing 21, Mrs. Kfred likes the slots and insists that she has a sure fire method to detect a winning machine. If I hadn't previously thought enough of her intelligence to appoint her as Director of Institute Safety here at FTI, I swear she would rate only one rung higher than Dickie the Peap on the IQ chart with this type of analysis. I must say she has been quite lucky in the past, however. Regardless, we decided to meet in 90 minutes time and went our separate ways.
I spot a $5 minimum bet 21 table populated by 4 men and one woman playing and decide to fill the available chair next to the woman. The lady is approximately 65 years old, moderately attractive, with a half finished margarita in front of her spot. We exchange smiles and nods, I greet the dealer, and lay 3 $20 bills on the table as my entire stake; win, lose or draw that's all I am pulling out of my pocket. (Coincidentally, this $60 is equal to the current balance of the FTI pension fund. I point this out only to highlight that we, too, at FTI are not immune to the financial difficulties suffered by the rest of society.) Anyway, I start playing and attempt to cover the inevitable losses I know that my household budget is about to suffer due to the miscalculations of selecting a winning slot machine based on the cartoon figures on the reels.
Now, when I play 21 in a casino, I am very intent. I have no "method" or system and I never drink alcohol while playing. I study the cards and try to determine at least how many 10's and face cards are still in play. As a result, I don't make much small talk, chatter much, or congratulate other players on a "good hit". I just play the game and keep to myself. Anyway, after about 10 minutes of play, I begin to enjoy a lucky streak and win consistently. The woman seated to my right comments that, "Hey, you are doing great" and "way to go". I thank her and think nothing more about it. After my 5th consistent winning hand, she remarks, " Gosh, you're winning and here by yourself. Wow". I ignore the remark and keep playing the game. A few hands later, I am dealt a blackjack on a $15 bet and she says, "Wow, that's great! Do you want to get married?" I point out to her that my wife might not go for that. "You're married? You don't wear a ring! Do you just do that to confuse women?" I, in fact, do not and have not ever worn a wedding ring, bracelet, or necklace. Ever. I am always wearing the lanyard with my official FTI identification badge (it's amazing, the number perks I enjoy when I show my badge) under my shirt, but other than that, no jewelry.
Coming tomorrow: "Where's your wife?" and "She needs to go away"
Not to pop your masculine bubble, but it probably was a chap dressed as a lady and showed some interest in you because of your "Deer in the headlights" demeanor.
ReplyDeleteLove it.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit though that I DO look at attractive men to see if they have wedding bands on.
I guess by deduction that means you are attractive? Or I guess, at least to margaritta imbibed older women?
:-)
Can't wait to hear the next installment. Who knew a carrot festival could produce such entertainment. No pun intended.
KFRED'S photo is under the dunce cap.
ReplyDeleteDickey: I get the feeling you are still sore over the fact that the rest of the FTI squad actually caught up and, did in fact, "pants" you.
ReplyDeleteF8: This incident actually renews the debate over my profile pic. We'll debate that one later.
Anon: You still aren't holed up at the Savannah are you?
A ringless married man. I'm watching you, Kfred. Both eyes. On you. Be afraid.
ReplyDeleteHow wrong you are!! Because the badges don't coincide with the real article, they pantsed another fellow that was wearing women's clothes that smelled of Margaritas babbling about some guy she/he met in a casino.
ReplyDelete