Following my post 10 days or so ago about the lack of meaningful Christmas cards arriving here at FTI, I was speaking to Gummo, the Balloon Boy whom asked if I had received his holiday greeting. Gummo informed me that Christmas was a special time to him and that he had taken the time to create a personalized greeting specifically for me that best reflected his personality, hobbies, dress, and demeanor in such a manner that would accurately reflect his true being.
Sure enough, right on cue, the next day, I open the mailbox and find the card pictured here with a "Merry Christmas, Gummo" signature. Immediately submitted to the crack staff of the FTI Psychological Profile unit, our team of experts were initially baffled by this card and it's meaning until a late night, "We're out of vodka. How about mouthwash? Do you have any of that?" breakthrough occurred that explained Gummo perfectly. The untrained lay person would assume that Gummo is attempting a cheap ripoff of the Saturday Night Fever franchise. Deeper analysis, however, reveals the true meaning of this person and his personality: Gummo is a well dressed, elf-like adventurer/4th place finisher in a 3rd grade spelling bee fleeing the impending giant disco ball about to crush him ala Indiana Jones while playing hopscotch. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, explains everything perfectly.
Mouthwash you say? Good to know for our party tomorrow.
ReplyDelete