Clip it Out and Save it

I recently received as a gift for my Birthday the book, "The Zombie Survival Guide".  I don't know what to make of it as it just reads a bit oddly.  I think the reason I am so confused is that it is obviously a humor piece, but, is written so cleverly and factually that you think it is serious.  Anyways, as I thumb through it,  I do see some reasoning for giving it to me in the first place.  The giver of the gift is aware of my position here as Executive Director of FTI and thought I might use it as a desktop reference on those days that I am feeling my situation seems a bit confusing.


As I was perusing it, it became clearer to me that there are several striking similarities between the Undead and the Misfits.  I have constructed a small, handy pocket reference guide belows.  Feel free to contact us here at FTI and we will rush you a free laminated  pocket sized replica for your wallet or purse to help you identify if you are actually dealing with a Zombie or have encountered one of the Misfits. 

Zombies	Misfits	Difference
No Intelligence	Low Intelligence	Minimal
No Language abilities	One of our guys can actually burp the "Star Spangled Banner"	Significant
No Social Dynamics	Our team set the World record for the Team Nosepicking Relay Race	We're still working on all of the words to "Kumbaya" presently.  We should be ready to perform at our Christmas Gala.
No Financial  Abilities	3 Words:  Dickie the Peap	Case Closed
Awkward Physical Coordination	Gummo the Balloon Boy can ride a bike and tie a balloon at the same time.  Blindfolded.	Useful when we conduct our off-site "Once-in-a-Lifetime/Everything Has Got To Go" vehicle disposal Sale

EDITORS NOTE:  Though this posting appears to be a helpful gift by the author for the good of the readership, full disclosure dictates this is actually the result of the state mandated once a year commitment for Community Service to be performed by the Flatline Thinking Insititute as part of their original Charter Agreement. 

Any advice given here should be taken in light of the disclosure made above.