Now, if you really are hungry

The Trustees of the the FTI Capital Preservation committee have just wound up 2 days of intense meetings which I was privileged enough to attend. I observed a reputed expert address our group and give them advice in order to shore up our financial position in this time of economic upheaval. It was amazing to watch as the members wrangled with the various financial scenarios and ideas necessary to the protection of our meager balance moving forward. No stone was unturned, nor, any idea thought goofy, as the group worked tirelessly to achieve their goal to keep our financial foundation safe. Ultimately, it was decided; only one expert, only one being with the financial where-with-all, the knowledge, the resolve, the experience, the tight-fisted monetary experience in order to deal with such a crisis was needed to be called in to address the group. Get Dickey the Peap on the phone.

The Peap reviewed the same, tired tricks he has employed himself over the years that, admittedly, have helped in amass his fabulous wealth. The browbeating of clerks, the pointed refusal to accept the number on the tag as the price, and my particular favorite, the commitment to memory rote of the phrase, "I'll catch it next time", when deciding to pay for a meal seem so, well, old. Apparently, the Peap has recognized this as well as now his new favorite technique have morphed into a 21st century variety; investing in small penny stock companies and then attempting to gain a seat on the board with his multi-100,000 share positions. Total investment: $900. (For our math impaired readers, that is approximately .0045 per share cost.) He then uses this new-found influence to further browbeat restaurant maitre'd's into thinking he must be some big-shot that gets a free meal and the cycle just perpetuates itself. Actually, it is a brilliant strategy.

Our committee politely listened, gave him the obligatory golf clap at the end of his presentation, and then sent him on his merry way as the short-armed one reportedly had another lunchtime obligation. Something about going to Costco and enjoying the samples.