I know it's out here somewhere

This individual actually  was our top candidate to head the FTI Valet Services until this unfortunate incident came to light and was ultimately passed over.   He is, however, still in consideration to be our answer to Kreskin during the midnight floorshow. 

Portland, Oregon-- Who among us has driven 2,000 miles, reported our wheels stolen and dropped $1,400 on billboards offering a reward – only to discover that we were looking on the wrong street?

Mark Walther of Oklahoma City says he's "mighty embarrassed."
On Nov. 9, after two days of driving, the 58-year-old retired municipal employee and U.S. Navy Reservist pulled into Portland to deal with his deceased sister's estate.

He stretched his legs, grabbed a burger, and returned to where he thought he had parked his trusty 1992 Toyota pickup.  It wasn't there.

Sure, he looked around. No sign. So he reported the old King Cab truck stolen.

But he wasn't ready to say goodbye to the truck, the mountain bike in the back, the Neil Young and John Prine CDs on the front seat, or the miles of memories.

After flying home, he put down $1,400 for two billboards with a photo of the green truck and a $5,000-reward offer (no questions asked).  He also placed a classified ad in The Oregonian: "2 time Iraq War veteran desperate for return of vehicle!"

Then, on Wednesday, a woman called Walther. She asked him to come move his truck so that she could rake the leaves piled up under it.   The woman, who spotted Walther's phone number on a piece of paper on the dashboard, lived about five blocks away from where he thought he parked.

Walther explained that it didn't help that he arrived in Portland after dark. "I got turned around in an awful way," he said.

"I'm usually pretty good at directions," Walther says. "I guess the Lord's not done teaching me lessons, so he's shoving a big one down my throat."