We're not another "one and done" team

Not only am I the Executive Director here at FTI, but, my duties also include doubling as coach of the FTI Knowledge Bowl Team. Each year a competition is held for various organizations and their associated deep thinkers. As this is our first year of competition, and based on our reputation, the FTI team was granted an automatic berth as a demonstration of compassion, charity, and inclusiveness by the organizers of the event. Based on some of the preliminary questions that were suggested for practice, we may be slated for an early exit. My guess: sometime immediately after the first question of "Welcome. Are you all here?"

The competition itself is twofold: a little friendly rivalry between think-based organizations for bragging rights of intelligence superiority and to offer possible solutions to some of the pressing problems of today. The idea is to collect some of the best and brightest, test them on the needs of society at the moment, and hopefully come up with some alternative solutions. Based on our initial answers to the warm-up question, I have instructed my assistant, Giacommo, to keep the engine warm on the FTI van as I don't think the TEAM FTI representatives will be on the winners podium. Here's the question: "In light of the recent ecological disaster occurring in the Gulf area with the out-of-control gushing oil well, in a simple world, how would you deal with this mess?"


Gummo, the Balloon Boy: "Get some Bounty Towels. It's the quicker picker-upper."

Rat Bastard G: "Dump a tanker-load of Dawn Dish detergent into the ocean. It fights grease and oil."

Marv, the Neighbor: "Is it vegetable or peanut oil?"

Dickie the Peap: "Who else can pay for it?"

Kommando Barney: "Oh, I know this one. The Beatles."


I am seriously thinking of entering our guys into the competitive knitting competition sponsored by the Ladies Aid Society at the local church next month. God help those old bats.