There is great joy in Mudville!

With apologies to Ernest Thayer

Oh! here in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing loudly and here the hearts are light,
And right now men are laughing and loudly the children shout;
As there is great joy in Mudville -- J Swinger has removed all doubt!

Mrs. Kfred and I were overjoyed to learn that Kfred Jr. 1 (aka J Swinger)and his longtime girlfriend, Goldilocks, have announced their engagement to be married! She is a beautiful young woman, smart, talented, and ambitious. We love them both very much and are very proud to welcome her to our family.

This event serves double purpose as Kfred Jr. 2 can now achieve a lifelong goal: Attend a wedding, be allowed to drink to excess, and face no recrimination.

Uh, we need to talk to you before we go any further

One of my various duties here at Flatline Thinking include the management of the Institute motor pool. The fleet has shrunk over the years and is now down to a manageable 2 vehicles: a 12 year old BMW driven by Mrs. Kfred and a 6 year old 136,000 mile SUV afforded to me for my exclusive use as executive director. Reminding the reader by the chronicle in an earlier post, the expense and maintenance of these assets can sometimes be daunting.

As an in-your-face affront to the environment, high gas prices, and the green crowd, the SUV (with our Central Research, Analysis, and Policy (CRAP) logo emblazoned on both sides) draws considerable attention from other drivers. Regardless, I had scheduled the CRAP vehicle for a routine oil change and replacement of the rear brake pads at the local shop. These were both items that I was monitoring, had budgeted $175 for completion, and expected to be finished in 2 hours. Imagine my surprise when the shop called and noted that in addition, the front brakes and rotors were down to 10% wear life and would need to be replaced immediately. 4 hours and $469.10 later, the CRAP vehicle was on the road and earned a reprieve as a sales statistic from the soon to end Cash for Clunkers program when it flawlessly avoided a near collision with a streaking, cell phone yakking, red light running, driver of a GMC Yukon. After exchanging the obligatory dirty looks, assumed right of ways, and mouthed insults, I was on my way.

In summary, I know one thing: the CRAP vehicle is a high visibility tool that the FTI cannot afford to lose. Literally.

Who is that masked man?

The posting of various thoughts and concepts here is a challenge, but, also fun. Emphasis is on humor and silliness as a way to comment on the events and opinions I experience and hold.

Having only recently started and slowly working out the kinks, it's ironic a story of outing anonymous bloggers recently appeared. The dear friends and family members that have been initially invited to observe life passing by with me "get it" and understand. The rest are the audience who view this to be entertained. Think of this as nothing more than a Walter Mitty moment.

Jukebox: It's not always rock and roll

Mom will never see the pictures if I don't "Friend" her

Our crack research staff and thinktank personnel toil daily to keep this site interesting and varied. Their dogged dedication and management's vision to commit to the winning Ebay bid of the Factorcrap Truthometer Deluxe to verify all statements made here result, in our opinion, a site that avoids becoming boring, annoying, or meaningless. The same cannot be said of the recent explosion of the popularity of Facebook and it's accompanying inane posts, however. How many of these 12 Disciples do you know?

Oh, I forgot. The question must be in the form of an answer

I currently frequent 52 different sites that have ID and password requirements. Amazon, youtube, ebay, my credit card, this blog. You get the idea. User ID. Password. You have to enter them before access. There is no getting around it anymore.

Unfortunately, you can't use the same password from site to site because some require a certain amount of characters, some require numbers, etc. Then you forget the easy-to-remember password and you are stuck. You have to answer a secret question in order to recover the password. Let's bypass this security measure. In order to lessen the frustration and lost time of recovering forgotten passwords, I propose that we get credit for passwords that are close enough. Close enough is just to the point of being vague that anyone trying to hack your account will get frustrated and give up, but, free you from the burden of having to remember countless phrases and words. Here's an example: The password is "5Tiger". My first guess was " nipple ring". No go. 2nd attempt: "dillweed". Close enough.

But you can't fold a coin

Actually, I am not surprised by this report of dirty money. I just want the public do-gooders to think clearly before they inevitably advocate changing peoples habits and promote the use of more coins.

Currently, any bill tossed toward the brass pole doesn't make any distracting noise over the blaring music at the Flatline Thinking Research Center. The research attendants are always smiling, happy, and gladly grab the numerous bills scattered about. Though I certainly advocate public health and safety, for personal reasons I'm not sure moving in this direction would be a good thing.

I should have upgraded to the Pentium 2

Some unfortunate technical difficulties that plagued us over the last 48 hours, resulting in the inability to view what was being published, have been solved.

The argument that most of the postings here make no sense and have no vision in the first place, resulting in comments amounting to, "what's the difference?", will be aptly ignored.

Job Interview tip in a tough economy

The recent problems in the economy has resulted in a number of people with years of experience losing their positions. It has been years since many of the people have ever had to interview for a job and, as such, may be a bit rusty in their interview techniques. Applicants need to be creative, flexible, and adaptive to be considered for many positions. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. See how you would answer it:

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Deep, logical reflection would lead you to the conclusion that You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. The winning applicant answered, " I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams. Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations." This answer won over the hiring director and the applicant was hired.

Further analysis, however, suggests an alternative course of action: 1) run the old lady over and put her out of her misery; 2) have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car; and 3) drive off with the old friend for a few beers.


Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Jukebox: "How would you describe it?" Well, It's kind of like the arguments on the internet

And what is the downside?

Quick! Hoard all of the Twinkies, soda, and candy bars! There is a pending sugar shortage heading our way.

Doesn't this seem to fly in the face of what the health experts have been telling us for years: that is, to cut down on our intake of sugar? What's next? The certain end of a root cause of American obesity?

Clinton Fatigue Round 2

With the recent success of former President Bill Clinton going to Korea to gain the release of the 2 American journalists and his wife Hillary showing her tough side to a mistranslated question by an African student, this thought occured to me: Who is tougher? Bill "McClain" Clinton or Hillary "I'm not channeling my husband" Clinton?

America is a safer place with the knowledge these two are out kicking some serious ass in the world.

"Bones! Analysis!" "He's bleeding cash, Jim"

The fact that a small part of the answer to wasteful healthcare spending is as simple as a doctor washing his hands regularly when treating patients is astounding. That, and others, are among the top causes of wasteful spending identified above. We have all heard about "defensive medicine", but I assumed it was to uncover any remote possibilities of cause of illness and used as a defense to fight it versus covering your ass from a lawsuit. Lastly, I have been amazed at the countless pieces of mail, correspondence, and billings Mrs. Kfred and I have amassed in dealing with our few minor ailments recently.

I don't know the correct answer in dealing with this issue as the debate rages on. I'm just not convinced, however, that getting the government in the healthcare insurance business is going to bring any improved efficiency. If needless paperwork is already an identified issue that adds more cost, can we count on the same guys who write the tax code to make it any easier?

Help Wanted: Guard For Henhouse. Foxes encouraged to apply.

I discussed in an earlier post that I thought this story was a little strange.

(In my best Paul Harvey voice):" And now, the Rest of the Story."

Is this really a surprise to anyone?

Jukebox: These guys deserved more recognition

Classic Rodney

After making love to this girl she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning"? She answered, "No, I hate myself now".

Doesn't this worry anyone a bit?

This blog posting and it's accompanying request in the last paragraph is a bit scary to me.

To suggest that people should forward any email that seems "fishy" (their word, not mine)to the White House seems odd. What does "fishy" mean? Does it mean something with which you don't agree? Does it mean something that is partisan? Does it mean something that is mean spirited? While that is being sorted out, what is happening to all of those email and IP addresses? What exactly is the White House going to do with that info? Is this the new 21st century version of an enemies list?

Hold it. Why am I worried? This is the government we are talking about. These are the same people that sent me letters requesting tax returns for my mother 3 straight years after she had died. If they can't keep track of dead people, how in the hell are they going to keep track of the live ones?

I'll address more about this later. In the meantime, I have to be fitted for a new tin-foil hat.

Well, I prefer to call it a low B-

I don't even know where to start about this near Rhodes Scholar.

3 common sense rules to observe

(With credit to my ultimate alligator-armed, I think it's your turn to buy, mothbitten wallet owning, tightwad buddy, Dickey the Peap)

*********************************************************
1) If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

2) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3) He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Yeah, it was only driven by a little old lady on Sundays

The recent government sponsored "Clunkers for Cash" program has made me curious. One Billion taxpayer dollars has been allotted through November 1st to stimulate new car sales, help struggling auto dealers, and get more fuel efficient cars on the road. On the surface, that whole idea sounds like a good one. Now, one week later, the program is out of cash. Supporters say this is proof the program has been wildly successful ( I guess you can't argue with that). Detractors are saying this is a example of government bungling (I am not sure you can argue with that, either). Now, the House has authorized another Two Billion dollars to keep the program going and sent it to the Senate for their approval. UPDATE: The Senate has approved the Two Billion as well and sent the bill to the President to sign.

My problem with the whole thing is this: Why am I, as a taxpayer, being asked to help pay for someone else's automobile purchase? Haven't we stimulated sales, helped struggling auto dealers, and gotten more fuel efficient cars on the road after one week's time? We've met the goal; game over, move on. Also, this initiative is laboring under the green mantra to help our environment and reduce our carbon footprint. Under the terms of the program, all of the trades are to be made inoperable and not put back on the road. What about the re-usable parts in all of these cars? Does it make sense to destroy these cars and not strip them of re-usable parts? Aren't the businesses in the parts supply chain also suffering because of the lack of auto sales? What happened to reduce, reuse, recycle?

To me, this whole program seems to target one industry that employs a bloc of reliable voters located in a strategic region of the country that is key to winning Presidential elections. Wrap it together as an initiative to help both the economy and the environment and you have a feel-good program. Just don't worry about the cost, though. A billion here. A billion there. I guess this wasn't the "green" they were talking about.