I just received word that the Green Comic has not suffered the same fate as Jimmy Hoffa.
While conducting our normal morning roll call yesterday morning, I noted that the Green Comic and a couple of other members of the Doofus Squad were nowhere to be found. We had received no request for an excused absence, nor, noted an records here at the FTI infirmary of any unexpected medical emergencies. Knowing that the leader of any of the absent dimwits would be Green because he is the only one with the ability to tie his shoes, I immediately suspected that perhaps he had met with the same fate as the union boss of the 70's because of the powerful enemies he has offended over the years; Grandmothers, legitimate comedians, and paper clips. Instead, Green, the Rat Bastard G, and Gummo, the Balloon Boy had all decided to take an early Labor Day holiday and went on a 5 day camping trip that coincided with my recent camping trip. Thus, their absence was not recognized. (The fact that they provide no useful contributions on a regular basis should not be discounted, either.) After repeated phone calls, police welfare checks, the scouring of local homeless animal shelters, and a thorough search of the Walmart garbage bins, I finally received a call from Green explaining the absence. I reminded him of our extended leave policy here at FTI and received assurances none of this would ever happen again. Regardless, we are at full strength and gearing up for the fall kickoff and upcoming FTI membership drive.
It looks to be a slow fall.