With our Best Wishes

Hurtling rapidly toward the Big Day of Wedding Week, a number of gifts have been arriving for the soon to be betrothed.  Wedding  gifts are a token of affection and symbol of best wishes, happiness, and future success  for a new bride and groom. 

Rather than the traditional types of material gifts, the Misfits thought it might be unique to offer some personalized, from-the-heart, offerings and life lessons that would be of benefit to a young couple. These concepts would actually be real-life methods and secrets to a long lasting marriage that they could each relay.  I have to admit, initially I was quite proud of my little band of stooges and it brought a small tear to my eye.  Knowing however,  that potential disaster is possible and lurking just below the surface on any concept developed by these losers, I  asked that each gift giver  reveal their plans to me  in  advance in order to judge the sensibilities of each of their ideas.  It was then,  after the details were revealed, that I began to realize that the tear in my eye was, in fact,  due to the nauseous feelings I was beginning to experience.

Among the offerings:

From Dickey the Peap: "Dick(ey)ering Your Way to Financial Health" Dickey thought it would be appropriate to teach the young couple how to avoid paying full retail via any method possible including  wearing a shirt until you develop a hole in it and then return it claiming it to be the wrong size; browbeating a clerk into submission over retail pricing at any establishment and  then waiting until they lower it just to get rid of you; and  his self developed classic, suggesting to dine out with friends, then once the menus have been cleared away, gently remind them  that you believe you bought last time and it is now  their turn to buy.

Marv the Neighbor offered: "3 Tasty, Deep Fried, Meals Guaranteed Your New Husband Will Enjoy".  Does this need to be explained any further?

The Green Comic wished to relay the concept of humor and laughter by gift wrapping a copy of  his well-worn,  dog-eared,  edition of "Everyone Else's Best Jokes".  That way, when  the inevitable disagreement between man and wife comes up, they could take a timeout, search the index for the topic at hand, and read one or two 35 year old jokes relaying to the matter to lessen the tension of the situation.  I told him to rather send a blender.    

The intent is definitely there; for that credit is due and given.  It's just that that the result is a bit off the mark.  Kind of like our population.