Wednesday, March 19, 2014

That's a lot of Green; and we're not talking about beer

The incident reports are not totally finalized and a few are missing, but a clearer picture of the events this past weekend indicate that the Dickey the Peap/St. Pattys Day Blowout  resulted in a huge financial gain for the short armed one; and only we have photographic proof of it all! 

Initially called to the location over neighbors complaints of loud, raucous noise, police and elderly advocates were surprised to find a disturbing sight of overturned wheelchairs, a pair of women's Depends hanging in a tree branch, and most curiously, a single set of false teeth on the front porch of the residence where the blowout was being held.  Upon entering the party, authorities observed most party-goers in a state of complete and total sobriety in direct contrast to their expectation due to the noise involved.  Immediately, authorities suspected a bunco party that had gotten out of hand, but, then began to notice that all of the party goers had Irish coffee mugs in their hands with varying degree of drinks in them, and yet, all revelers were cold stone sober. Suspecting some type of chicanery, officials from the State Department of Weights and Measurements were immediately summoned and determined that the short-armed one, acting as the party host, had completely and constantly been short pouring Irish coffee drinks all night long in an attempt to widen the profit margins he would enjoy between the costs of conducting the party and the revenue he was generating from it. Apparently, the noise stemmed from the vocal protest from partygoers after realizing they were part of a complex swindle.  

As displayed here, an alert peace officer was able to photographically document the actions of the short one counting his money upon their raid. Due to the limitations in technology, the observant reader will notice that the hand actions of the short-armed one are so quick that the image is not "clean" and actually a bit hazy. Like trying to photograph a hummingbird in flight, capturing that type of incident requires specialized equipment that most people don't have without a specific purpose.  The party was shut down, the place cleared, and the short-armed one was advised that, though not illegal, it really isn't a good idea to be a lousy host with your friends during a celebratory type of occasion.  The short armed-one replied, "you've got nothin' on me coppers.  Now get the hell out of here!"

Elderly advocates did collect the set of false teeth and will return them to their rightful owner upon identification.    

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