I had my annual Christmas lunch with Dickey the Peap yesterday. Though the content of our meeting was highly enjoyable, it did not have quite the explosive revelations as last year. That is not to say, however, that I came away disappointed. Hardly.
While sitting over lunch, enjoying a sandwich and a couple glasses each of some fine, handcrafted ales, we discussed various topics that invariably end each time with the relating to the Frugal One's propensity to rarely make any type of spontaneous financial outlays. Under any circumstances. Oh sure, the little miser tries to turn it around on me and accuse me of some worse type of behavior, but, I accept that as the price for being able to bash him on this forum on a regular basis. Anyway, we are sitting and laughing and acting like a couple of 12 year olds making fart jokes when a woman approaches out table. She stops at our table and asks, "Are you Dickey the Peap? You don't know who I am, do you?" Now, at this point, our boy instinctively reacts with the same deer-in-the-headlights look he displays whenever a dinner check or repair bill is presented anywhere near in his vicinity. I could sense that Dickey was now rapidy mentally going through the faces in his mind of every bill collector he had ever known. "I am not going to tell you my name. We went to high school together. But, I thought it was you. You haven't changed any." Suddenly, the light clicked and recognized her as a girl he had taken on a couple of dates in high school a million years ago. Nothing serious, just a girl from his past. "I've been looking for you for a long time." Now, at this point, I figure I have a front row seat to some good stuff. I couldn't wait for the rest. "We went out one time for burgers and milkshakes and I had to use all of my baby sitting money to pay the check because you had forgotten your wallet. You told me that you would pay me back and I shouldn't worry about it. I always thought you were such a nice boy and one who would keep his word. You never did pay me back and, as a result, I didn't have money the next day to ride the bus crosstown to where the admissions test were being given and I missed out on being accepted into college. I ended up getting married, had 2 kids, divorced, went broke, and am now stuck in some dumpy apartment. I figure if you had paid me the lousy $1.85 at the time, my life would have been completely different. I just wanted to come over and tell you I have never forgotten you Dickey. I would recognize you anywhere!"
Needless to say, our joyous event ended on a bit of a bummer. While the frugal one used the restroom, I noted that the woman and her party were preparing to leave. There was just one question I had to ask her. "I hear you say that Dickey hadn't changed any in all of these years. What gave it away? His weight, body build, hair color? What was it?' Without a beat, she replied, "He's always had one simple identifying feature. I knew right away it was him". "What? What? Tell me what it is", I asked. "Two words", she said. "Short arms".